Day 15: Fitness Test

Today was an absolute feel good kind of day! I’ve been doing this workout and nutrition plan for 2 weeks now. I don’t really “see” a difference in my body shape. What I do see is a change in how I feel. I am not as stressed, I have more energy, I just feel… good. The most rewarding part of the process is how much my body has actually changed. Here are the results from the fitness test, compared to day 1:

Task	Day 1	Day 15	(+/-)
1) Switch Kicks:	37	62	+25
2) Power Jacks:	45	54	+9
3) Power Knees:	61	81	+20
4) Power Jumps:	16	26	+10
5) Globe Jumps:	5	6	+1
6) Suicide Jumps:	12	15	+3
7) Push-Up Jacks:	17	29	+12
8) Low Plank Oblique:	33	50	+17

(plus means I improved by that amount)

So if you’re ever doubting that anything is actually happening or if this was even worth it, here is your proof. It is, and this makes me feel REALLY good!

Day 14: Oh hey day off

Even though I’m starting to get the feeling in my legs again, I took full advantage of this day off. I am just now getting home, and I plan to take full advantage of my rest time before I have to get on back on the road tomorrow morning.

Today’s agenda: Couch, lunch, couch, water, couch, pee, couch, dinner, couch… you get the idea.

Battle Scars!

I'm currently lounging on my couch, enjoying the time to myself. I notice that both of my elbows are kind of burning, I look at them and this is what I see...

I have rug burns on both of my elbows from the Cardio Abs workout yesterday. About half the time you have to lay in a half plank position, where you put a lot of pressure on your elbows. Well at the time I didn't really think anything of it. Intense sweating + on/off elbows over and over + berber carpet = OUCH! My suggestion would be to consider your surface, or get something to lay on.

Day 13: Pure Cardio & Cardio Abs

Holy shit, I just died… twice.

Day 13 starts out very similar to day 5 and day 8 (just pure cardio)… but that’s where they GETCHA! Not only do you do the 38 minute Pure Cardio workout, you then have a 16 minute Cardio Abs workout. This is over an hour of “make it stop.”

The Pure Cardio is still a constant run-through of pushing yourself. It’s not the same circuit training that you do on most other days. This disc is designed to do one simple thing… make your heart EXPLODE!

Just when it couldn’t get worse and you just finished the Pure Cardio, no no no, you now have Cardio Abs. This workout focuses on balance and core strengthening. The one thing to note about this workout: there isn’t one single sit up. It’s worse, Shaun T makes you flex your abs (c-sits and planks) and stay there. It’s a lot of “YOU SONOFA-, I CAAAAAAAAAAN’T” moments.

Feel. The. Burn.

Not in the Nutrition Guide

Bananas Foster: If it lights on fire, I'm eating it. I don't care what Shaun T says.

AND Brennan's is where Bananas Foster was invented.

Day 12: Cardio Power & Resistance

Remember how I told you this was the hardest workout? It still is. So I thought to myself, how can we make this worse? I know… let’s be HUNGOVER. (I’m in New Orleans, Bourbon Street was calling me) Needless to say I did not do today at 100%. I did what I could to push myself as hard as I could, but still, I know I could have done better. To make matters worse, I had the worst egg white omelet for breakfast, fried gator for lunch, and tonight’s dinner is going to be at my favorite restaurant in the entire world. There will be rich and flavorful food involved. I don’t care what the damn nutrition guide says, I’m eating everything on that menu!!

Day 11: Cardio Recovery

You know, it still bothers me that they call this “recover.” There is NOTHING recovery about this workout… it’s hard. I want to die. That’s not recovery!

They should call this disc "Cardio Make You Work Just As Hard, But Make You Think It's Less Intense" ...but that might not fit on the disc jacket.

Day 10: Plyometric Cardio Circuit

I would just like to add onto comments from day 9. I did day in Austin, TX and day 10 in Houston, TX… no big deal. False. I went from Austin to Boston to run an event, and THEN back to Houston, and still managed to NOT skip a day. I did the morning workout in Austin and evening workout in Houston. I haven't read anything in the specs that mention about keeping the time of day your workout consistent; however, the way I see it, as long as you do it, who cares about when you do it... I still want to pass out and die, but I still did it none-the-less.

The workout is just as hard as it was on day 2 and 6… actually, felt harder. Sweating? You better believe it. Even better news, I'm definitely noticing a change in the aftermath. My legs aren't burning as much and I can do more of the warmup stretches without falling over.

Somebody owes me royalties!

A quick note to inform everyone that not only do I have a good friend reading this blog, but this good friend has since purchased the DVD set and will be starting the workout plan very soon. (and do the nutrition plan “the best he can”… slacker)

I encourage anyone that wants to start the insanity workout to let me know, so we can discuss our progress together.

Best of luck, Grayson, you can do it! And yes, it will hurt like HELL.

Day 9: Pure Cardio

Today was the craziest day that I have had since I started this workout/nutrition plan (a whole 9 days).

Let us recap:

4:30am – 5:30am :: wakeup/get pretty/drink water
5:30am – 10:00am :: setup/launch the perfect Austin, TX event /drink water
10:00am - 10:15am :: breakfast (egg white omelet w/ spinach & mushroom, and sliced fruit)/drink water
10:15am – 11:00am :: digest/pack and get life together /drink water
11:00am – 11:45am :: Pure Cardio/drink water
11:45am – 12:05pm :: wash off sweaty nasty filth/get pretty (again)/drink water
12:05pm – 1:20pm :: the usual airport bull/buy protein shake, healthy chicken & veggie wrap with sliced fruit, and an apple/drink water
1:20pm – 9:00pm :: travel to the next city (time zone change)/eat shake, wrap, and fruit/drink water

I’m only sharing today’s effed up schedule to point out one very important fact: no matter how crazy and busy your life may be, there is always time to workout, eat right, and drink water; you just need to keep yourself motivated enough. Between my travel schedule in the last 8 months and being completely busy all the time, I always used the excuse “I just don’t have the time.” Despite all you sexy bodied bitches telling me to make time, I now know that this is a lie and it is possible. You may not be able to do it at the same time every day, but if you are motivated enough to REALLY get in shape, eat right, set goals, and remain focused, you CAN DO IT!

Now let’s hug.

Day 8: Cardio Power & Resistance

I’m back at it! The day of “rest and recover” was definitely a huge help! Today, I started today’s workout with full energy, fully hydrated, and no sore muscles. I was ready to give today 100% and go hard… too bad I forgot this workout was going to kick my ass, and could only do about 80% of it without collapsing. But hey, that’s a HUGE improvement considering today is the same workout as day 3.

Even better news: not only am I doing much more of the workout (after 7 days), I can feel different muscle groups working, I’m sweating just the same, if not more, and I only cussed at Shaun T. 3 or 4 times.

Oh, and my legs still feel like rubber. Shaun T. does this one workout called “globe jumps” where you do a squat as low as you can go (properly), touch ground, then jump from the legs and gluts as high as you can, hands to the sky; while you’re jumping up, you jump back. Then you get low again and jump up again, but to the right. Then down and up again, but to the front, and then of course, repeat to the left… get it? Globe, in a circle. Out off all the exercises Shaun T. has had me do thus far, this is the most difficult and painful. I have yet to make it all the way around the world without screaming some kind of obscenity and giving in to the pain (collapse).

One day I will conquer you globe jumps, one day you WILL be mine.

Day 7: Not a Goddamn Thing!

Today we rejoice through the land, as today is the day of rest from the workout of insanity! That’s right, bitches… I don’t have to bend, stretch, balance, sweat, shake, or drop it low! I had the entire day to relax, drink water, recover, and eat healthy.

I did none of these things.

I would like to take the time to STRESS the importance of drinking your water everyday, because at the end of the day today… I could have drank the entire Artic Ocean! (I picked this ocean because it’s the coldest, and I’m in Austin, and it’s HOT!)

Today was also the day of the Woman’s World Cup Soccer game USA vs. Japan, and of course we went to a sport’s bar (shitty game outcome, sorry USA). I may or may not have had 6 Mexican martinis, caso, fried pickles, and cheese sticks… I’ll never tell.

I DID, however, eat very well and healthy at Bess Bistro, Sandra Bullock’s restaurant. I just wanted to say that I ate at Sandra Bullock’s Restaurant, cause I love me some her! I think Shaun T. would want me to have this.

Day 6: Plyometric Cardio Circuit

It’s Saturday… like as in the weekend. I have never, in my life, worked out on a Saturday. I’ve always been a firm believer of not doing a damn thing on weekends but having fun, making money, or spending money. This (today’s workout) is none of these.

Today’s workout is the same as day 2 and I can’t believe how much easier it seems to be than when I did it 4 days ago. I don’t know if it’s the fact that I had a chill morning, ate well at brunch, then soaked up some Texas sun before the workout… but it’s definitely getting easier.

Remain Sober Throughout This Entire Experience

Yeah, right! Seriously… for anyone reading this that knows me, I love my booze; it’s just not going to happen. Vodka, Tequila, and I go way back. Everyone knows that you can’t just DROP friends that you’ve had for years, it’s just not right.

The nutrition guide clearly states:
"Try to avoid alcohol. If you do drink, consider that alcohol has 7 calories per gram, almost twice that of protein and carbs, with no nutrient value. If you're trying to streamline your diet, alcohol is not the way to go."

I completely understand where they’re coming from, but I have a Ghostland Observatory concert tonight that I don’t plan on attending sober. And have you ever been to Cobalt (popular gay bar in DC) sober… yeah, I’m not doing that.

It just goes to show that you can drink with the workout and nutrition plans, you just have to include your daily calorie and sugar intake. You also need to have the understanding that your final results may very based on your choices of what you put into your body, and the amount of consumption (food or beverage). So based on this, you may want to consider moderation, stick with clear liquors, and consider your mixer (soda water vs. cranberry). Oh, and hangovers are a bitch!

Day 5: Pure Cardio

You got that right!!! Yesterday was MUCH easier compared to today. There wasn't so much of the push on this body part, pull this one out of socket, or cut 3 back flips then a full split. It was much more moving as quickly as I can and then drop. If I wasn't dropping, I was jumping; anything to max out my heart rate to the point of explosion.

These workouts are really killing my legs. It's been 5 days and I can ABSOLUTELY notice a difference in the shape of my legs... I can see my quads and calves. Ya know, those lines that make me look like I have legs. It puts a great sense of accomplishment in the exhausted spirit of my heart to see results after 5 days.

Also, after these 5 days, consuming 70-80 ounces of water a day is NOTHING. I am constantly thirsty, and drinking water like the earth is about to dry up. The only problem that comes with drinking so much water... peeing every 5 minutes. Even though it makes me happy to see my pee clear for more than 2 days in a row (healthy pee!), I feel like I have a disorder spending so much time in the restroom.

Finally, I want to give a huge shoutout to my girl Nicole Kovacs for not only letting me sweat my ass off in her living room, but for actually doing day 5 with me. I now have a whiteness that tried a workout with me and almost died. Good Job, Nicole, now start from day 1...

Hotel Rooms Don't Have DVD Players

I will say that I wish hotels had more DVD players attached to those high-priced flat screen TVs (that only get 25 channels, 10 are news, 10 are sports, and 4 are hotel/city affiliated, and 1 is HBO). I know, some do; most don't.

Day 4 was the first day of working out in a hotel room, and I must say, It's just the same as working out in my tiny DC living room. This just goes to show that you can do this work out anywhere. Day 4 had you bending, stretching, pulling, pushing, balancing, werkin', and twerkin' for your life and I still had enough space.

I would also like to thank Aram Taghavi for the wonderful words of motivation like "Make me proud!" and "Don't give up!" while you quaintly sat on the comfortable chair nestled cozy in the corner, watching me as I pray to a higher power for this stretch to end. It's so nice having great friends!

Day 4: Cardio Recovery

Have you ever been in a hospital's recovery room? Ya know, where you go after surgery or something really invasive? Where you rest, recuperate, and where Stella gets her groove back, right? What is the key word? Recovery.

Webster defines recovery as 2 definitions: 1) "the act or process of overcoming a disorder or shortcoming." 2) "the process of combating a disorder (as alcoholism) or a real or perceived problem." Whereas, number 2 can be discussed in much detail... that's not what we're going to focus on, let's look at number 1. How in GAY HELL does definition number 1 go together with the word "cardio?!" That's an oxymoron!

The Cardio recovery did have me doing all kinds of moving, dropping, and shaking though. It does still make you work up one hell of a sweat, but it's not as intense as day 2 and 3. This session also makes you do all kinds of balancing and stretching, keeping your muscles working hard. I don't do these two things so well, especially when you put them together. Have you ever held a hip flexor stretch for almost 2 minutes, while bouncing up and down, and twerkin' left and right? ME EITHER... I fell. A lot. But I made it all the way through, despite how many times my legs were shaking about ready to give out.

Day 3: Cardio Power & Resistance

Ok, I know I said day 2 was worse… but I lied. Day 3 is much much worse. And by worse, I meant TORTURE. Today’s 38-minute workout consisted of lots of jumping, bending, pushing, and pulling rabbits out of hats. Day 3 is no laughing matter. You will bend and work muscles that you didn’t know existed until you had to contort your body into a pretzel, then push. For real… Check out this photo:

This is a “push up.” Seriously? That shit hurts.

I do, however, have to admit that the cardio is some of the best I have ever done in my life. I would rather do the Insanity Workout before running 5 miles any day.

Running is a lot of extra craziness: boring stride after stride pitter patter of the feet, getting shin splints, putting on your best jogging outfit for the public, and running harder than you really should past “points of interest” around the city. (aka: spots where you will find potential cute boys watching your ass bounce as you run past. For me it would be P st between 14th and 15th and 17th between P st and R st)

Insanity is much more entertaining. Not only can you do this in the comfort of your own home, you can do it shirtless and not feel self conscience, scream obscenities at the TV, and take breaks whenever you feel like your heart is going to explode and not worry if anyone is around to see it (and because Shaun T says I can).

But for the love of god, Shaun T, PLEASE stop making me do squats… my legs are moments from separating from my hips. Then what?

Day 2: Plyometric Cardio Circuit

Day 2, worse. I might puke. I can't tell you how many times my legs gave out.

The warm up...? No no no, the WARM UP is actually part of the cardio circuit. He actually makes you do it 3 times, faster and harder each time. Are you kidding me? There is a reason this is called "Insanity" ... because this shit is bananas!

The sweating on day 2 is much greater than day 1. From my point of view, it looked like someone was pouring water on top of my head and it was streaming off my chin (gross).



The entire workout from warm up to cool down is 31 minutes, and I could only do it about half of the time. I had to keep resting to bring my heart rate back down... he told me I could. There was just no way I could keep up that pace. The people on the video even gave out a few times and couldn't make the full circuit...

that you have to do as hard as you can, 3 times in a row, 3 minutes each. FML. And if he makes me squat one more time, i'm going to punch him in the face!

Can we talk about the people they select to be on these videos? They have the body of a greek god. I hate them. I hate them all. I mean, I get that it's great motivation for you to push harder and to want to look like that... but I hate them.

I can't feel my legs, maybe I should eat them

Stairs are the devil and sitting is no longer fun. My legs are killing me... mostly in the quad and gluteus area. "No pain no gain." I mean I get that, but DAMN GINA this is killing me.

I've also been following the nutrition guide as best as I can; it's actually pretty good. It requires you to eat 5 balanced meals a day to keep your energy levels and recovery going, and gives you many options for each meal and ways to mix it up. They pretty much want you to find good ways to consume a balanced mixture of carbs and protein. The good thing is that I already eat most of the things they tell you to eat, they just want me to eat more to keep up the calorie consumption, the bad news... I AM HUNGRY ALL THE EFFING TIME!! I'm ok with eating 5 meals a day, because 2 hours after eating a huge bowl of fruit, oats, and 3 hard boiled eggs, all I want to do is EAT.

Don't even get me started on the water consumption. They want you to drink at least 70oz of water a day. Do you know how much water that is? a lot. And it makes me pee all damn day!